Welcome to a very special episode of The Bachelor. According to Chris Harrison, we've had many questions this season. "What was Sean thinking?" we ask. And, more recently, "Why do we need a very special episode?"
Every week on The Bachelor, Sean tells us his thoughts, his feelings and his moods. He tells us the women's current rankings as determined by his proprietary algorithm. But he doesn't tell us all.
This episode eliminates the distractions caused by the women and their emoting so we can appreciate the depth and breadth of what it means to be Sean Lowe, the Most Sincere Bachelor Ever.
Tonight it's just Sean, Chris Harrison and enough votive candles to stock a Pottery Barn. Here's what Sean has to say:
Overnight Dates. Mrs. Bachelor isn't just a media gig. Sean will spend time with her off-camera as well. The overnight dates allow him to evaluate the candidates in a more natural setting and determine if he can stand to be alone with her.
Current Standings. "I don't favor one girl over the other at this point."
Desiree. He asked himself, "Can I see myself spending the rest of my life with her?" He answered himself, "I think so." With Catherine, however, the answer "was a resounding yes."
Desiree's Brother. In NEVER BEFORE SEEN FOOTAGE, we learn that Sean's first meeting with Nate went well. Nate told Sean he "seems like a nice dude." Sean and Chris agree that being a "nice dude" and being a "playboy" are mutually exclusive. Therefore, Nate's a "jackass."
Desiree's Rejection. Nate's failing to play by the rules "influenced" Sean's decision, but it wasn't a deal-breaker. His relationship with Desiree was "lacking" compared to the other three.
Sarah. Some viewers thought Sean shouldn't have forced one-armed Sarah to go on the roller derby date. But "she was grateful," says Sean. "She wanted to challenge herself." So shut up, viewers.
Sarah's Rejection. As soon as Sean kissed Sarah, she was on borrowed time. He "felt no passion behind it." Sean and Chris agree that Sarah is likely to find someone to love her eventually. It just won't be Sean.
Selma. Sean was "shocked" when Selma wouldn't kiss him. Chris empathizes. Seriously, man, did you see that chick? In NEVER BEFORE SEEN FOOTAGE, we watch Sean and Selma "Eskimo kiss" and "eyelash kiss."
Selma's Rejection. Sean concluded he couldn't "have a partnership" with Selma. He doesn't say why. Perhaps he felt no passion in their eyelash kiss.
Lesley M. In NEVER BEFORE SEEN FOOTAGE, Lesley and Sean feed each other brownies in a "sexy way." "You know how daddy likes his brownie," says Sean. "Give it to me." "Oh baby," says Lesley. "Stick it in my mouth." Sean is disgusted. "I didn't say 'filthy,'" he says. So Sean defines sexy somewhere in between eyelash kisses and oral sex.
Lesley's Rejection. Lesley, Chris tells us, is a fan favorite. How could Sean reject someone who was winning the ABC online poll? Sean reminds us that Lesley never told him she loved him. A declaration of love, Sean says, would have been "a game-changer." So give the guy a break. The poll numbers weren't even out when the show was taped.
Tierra. Sean was "duped." Tierra "never should have come on the show." "She can't get along with her peers." In NEVER BEFORE SEEN FOOTAGE, we learn that the cocktail party fight in Montana went on for "hours." We don't actually see much new footage here. It goes on for hours, after all.
Tierra's Rejection. Had Sean known then what he knows now, he would have kept Jackie instead of Tierra on the two-on-one date. See what happens when you make decisions without knowing the poll numbers?
Tierra's Legacy. Sean's journey could have been "ruined" by Tierra. For that, America will never forgive her.
Ashley P. Remember the lady with the 50 Shades of Grey obsession? In NEVER BEFORE SEEN FOOTAGE, she repeatedly tells Sean how much her mother loves him. Sean and Chris laugh about what a drunk loser Ashley P. was. They don't have an opinion on her mother.
Catherine. Catherine gives Sean "nerd notes." In one she wrote, "Your arms are hairless. I dig that." On their glacier date, Catherine sat inside the snow bus wheel well. Just to prove that she could.
Lindsay. On their date to an outdoor concert, they "crowd surfed." "It was incredible!" says Sean.
Sexy Time. Chris wants to know if Sean's going to "be physical" on the overnight nights. "It's really none of your business," says Sean. Unless you read this week's Us Magazine.
Tune in to The Bachelor next Monday, February 25th, when Sean takes Catherine, AshLee and Lindsay to Thailand where one of them will experience the unique indignity of being dumped after an overnight date.