You'll be relieved to know that this week's Bachelor reject Sarah Herron carries no animosity towards Sean. In her interview with People Magazine, I Was the Victim of a Curse, we learn the "first solo-date curse" is to blame. We're not told whether it's a simple hex or if hoodoo is involved.
Sarah says The Bachelor was "a life-changing journey," "cathartic" and "self-actualizing." At least, that's what the show's psychologist told her.
As we all know, Sean hates "the comfort zone" and wants everyone to get out of it. Next to finding his "best friend," Sean's raison d'être is eliminating comfort. It's the only way you can "embrace life," because everything worth embracing is uncomfortable. Or something like that.
Therefore, Selma's failure to do the "polar bear plunge" sealed her fate. In his blog, Sean says Selma's "unwillingness to compromise" made him unwilling to give her a rose. Selma should have at least waded in the lake, or splashed her face or something.
As for his date with Desiree, learning she was poor as a child made him want to be "the man that supports her and makes her feel safe." Maybe he'll set up a trust fund.
Sean was also impressed with Desiree's ability to make "finger puppets on the walls of our teepee." Those must have been some finger puppets.
"In hindsight," writes Sean, "I'm not so sure" that Tierra had hypothermia. "But she played the part well." In his Entertainment Weekly blog, Chris Harrison agrees. "You have to admit she's good at pulling the wool over Sean's eyes," he says.
As for next week's episode of The Bachelor, Chris says nothing happens that we haven't seen coming for at least a couple weeks. The show drags more than usual, says Chris, because they only have six women left and none of them is very interesting.
No, we kid. Chris Harrison says the St. Croix episode is "the most emotional, pivotal" one so far. Of course it is.
Finally, let's check Sean's Twitter account for further insight into this enigmatic bachelor.
And here's the big one: "New #Bachelor special 'Sean Tells All' just announced for Tuesday, February 19th at 9pm."
Let's face it. Sean's a complex and multi-faceted guy. The weekly two-hour TV episodes, regular tweets, Facebook posts, weekly blog, millions of Instagram photos and media interviews have proven insufficient to convey the full range of Sean's thoughts and emotions.
Tune in next Monday, February 11th, same Bachelor-time, same Bachelor-channel, for a fun-filled night of emoting in St. Croix. Also be sure to mark your calendars for February 19th, when the inscrutable Sean Lowe finally reveals his thoughts on love, life and the benefits of vertical marketing on ABC's The Bachelor: Sean Tells All.