Tonight on All-Star Celebrity Apprentice, the celebrities gather in Trump Tower to learn about the next task.
We watch Donald as he comes down the escalator. Fascinating. So that's how successful businessmen ride the escalator. He doesn't hold the railing, or take any steps. He just stands there and lets the escalator do the work.
Waiting for him at the bottom are Farouk Shami, founder of Farouk Systems and owner of the reddest cowboy boots ever made. Arsenio Hall's there too. He's not wearing anything interesting.
Trump Towers, says Donald, "is one of the biggest and greatest tourist attractions in New York." No one cares about the Statue of Liberty anymore. Central Park, Times Square, the Empire State Building, Broadway – all of them, boring. If you're going to New York, see Trump Towers. It has an escalator.
This week the teams will make an "interactive marketing campaign" using a "glass truck" to promote two of Farouk hair care brands. Marilu and Claudia are project managers. The winning team gets $50,000 plus a dollar for every Facebook Like they get on the product's website. That's more than a Facebook Like usually costs.
Team Power brainstorms ideas, and Dennis suggests they give homeless women makeovers. Or drag queens. He says some other stuff too but no one can understand him.
Over at Plan B, Marilu wants the glass truck to be a "living window." As opposed to a dead one, which won't sell anything. She assigns Stephen to marketing, Penn is tasked with "big ideas," and Lisa is in charge of "design." Trace, says Marilu, will "build something." She appoints Gary as team accountant.
Gary tells us accountants get receipts, record transactions, and hold the money bag. He seems to understand his job description. But then he says he's able to "think outside the box," which isn't something you want your accountant to do.
Farouk and his sidekick visit Plan B to discuss his BioSilk products. God, we learn, created silk in response to humanity's need for proper hair care. Then Farouk sprinkles some BioSilk powder in Marilu's hair, which doesn't seem to make Marilu very happy. Suck it up, Marilu. It's what God wants in your hair.
Marilu was a judge for the Miss USA pageant, so she calls her contact there to get Miss USA and members of her royal court to appear at their event. Stephen follows Marilu around the room saying "MATT RICH MATT RICH MATT RICH" until she relents and mentions this mysterious Mr. Rich to her pageant contact.
We learn Matt Rich is Stephen's publicist and "personal escort" for Miss USA. We're not sure what a "personal escort" means. It sounds like a polite way of saying "pimp." Regardless, if you want Miss USA, you need to know Matt Rich. And if you want to know Matt Rich, you need to go through Stephen Baldwin.
Stephen thinks their slogan should be "Live Life Luscious." Trace hates it. What do you know? asks Stephen. You live in Tennessee and wash your hair with lard. Stephen is in show business and washes his hair with organic silk.
Trace suggests "Experience Silk." Marilu agrees. They'll use "Live Life Luscious" somewhere though, because they don't want to piss off their Matt Rich contact.
Claudia wants Team Power to do a freestyle rap so they can come up with a concept. Brande rhymes "me" with "Brie" and "knee." So that doesn't help. Dennis doesn't want to participate. He struggles just to speak in a normal rhythm.
Somewhere in this process they develop the idea of Lil Jon dressed as Uncle Sam. Claudia, who is a previous Miss Rhode Island, is sure she can get the current Miss USA to appear at their event. Miss USA is also from Rhode Island, and Rhode Island beauty contestants are a tight-knit group.
Omarosa and Dennis are sent to get props. Omarosa tells us that Claudia's ideas aren't very creative, but she's not going to say anything. She doesn't have to because she's "the baddest chick of the boardroom." Omarosa says this while wearing a voluminous pink satin blouse with a giant sparkly pin. She looks radioactive.
At the costume shop, Dennis buys a bust of Donald Trump's head. We don't even want to know why.
Claudia's annoyed that Dennis and Omarosa take four hours to do their assigned task, and don't even get everything they need. Apparently she's not interested in the Donald Trump head.
She did want a Donald Trump impersonator though. The idea is to get "celebrities with bad hair," but it doesn't pan out because the Donald Trump impersonator just died. So if you look like Donald Trump, think about pursuing a career in New York. There seems to be a shortage of Donald Trump impersonators.
There are still plenty of Joan Rivers impersonators though, so they get one of those. The plan is for people to have their hair done, get a picture taken in the glass truck, and be "interviewed" by fake Joan Rivers as they leave. Watch out, Trump Tower. You've got some competition on the tourist circuit.
Plan B decides Gary should play an "Angel of Silk" for their event. Letting Gary run around loose in a crowd sounds like an even worse idea than putting him in charge of the money.
Gary, Trace and Lisa go to pick up supplies. Gary works hard to play the part of an accountant. He focuses intently on getting the "bill of sale" and writing down the details of each transaction. He loses the money bag though. "Men in black are gonna come get him," says Trace. Aliens are always losing money. It's a dead giveaway.
They find the money bag in the car, so Gary turns his attention to the noise coming from Lisa. "Did you fart?" he asks. No, says Lisa. It's just the sound her seat is making. Oh no, argues Gary. He can see "fart gas." "Fart" stands for "feeling a rectal transmission," says Gary. You can see why he was cast as the Angel of Silk.
Claudia's team learn that Plan B already booked Miss USA and her underlings. Omarosa calls this "a huge, huge, critical error." Omarosa doesn't worry about being productive on a task. She just focuses on figuring out what other people do badly.
The day of the task, Team Power is running behind because they're picking up props that Dennis and Omarosa didn't get the day before. When Omarosa suggests they move the makeover area to inside the glass truck, Claudia decides they don't have time.
Lil Jon wears an Uncle Sam costume, Dennis Rodman wanders around being Dennis, and fake Joan Rivers entertains the crowd. Some lesser pageant women appear as well.
At Plan B's glass truck, Gary is blowing bubbles and proclaiming himself the BioSilk Angel. Trace is standing on top of the truck playing guitar, and Penn is juggling fire. It's so exciting even Dennis goes over there.
Claudia tells Don Jr. that Brande was her most valuable player, and Omarosa and Dennis were the least valuable.
Farouk shows up to inspect the pageantry. He tries talking to Dennis Rodman but has no idea what he's saying. Then Gary tells Farouk something about people "breaking their virginity" on BioSilk. Farouk looks like he really wants to go home.
The verdict? Farouk thinks Marilu's team wins on creativity, but Claudia's team did better with branding. The deciding factor will be "overall guest experience."
In the boardroom, Omarosa says she's rooting for Claudia to win because she likes Claudia's charity, The Tom Joyner Foundation, which supports Historically Black Colleges and Universities (HBCUs).
Omarosa says she went to "three Black colleges" and wants others to have the same opportunity. America's HBCUs probably wish Omarosa would stop saying that.
Claudia identifies Brande as her strongest player and Dennis as her weakest. Hold on there, says Don Jr. You told me Omarosa was one of your weakest players too. What's the problem? Are you SCARED of Omarosa?
Absolutely not, insists Claudia. Oh come on, says Donald. Admit it. He can barely restrain himself from making chicken noises at her.
Marilu says that Gary was "ten times better" on this task than he was in the past. He was still their weakest player though. Gary, says Marilu, "is a different type of person." The useless type.
Stephen thinks Marilu is easily distracted, and Marilu disagrees. She just thinks so fast that Stephen can't keep up with her. Regardless, Stephen says Marilu did an "outstanding" job.
Don Jr. says Marilu's team did great except for the "Experience Silk" slogan. It was "generic." Trace admits the slogan didn't make him "wet my britches" but liked it better than "Live Life Luscious." If Marilu has to bring two people back to the boardroom, she'd choose Trace for coming up with the slogan and Gary for being Gary.
As for Claudia's team, the executives loved Lil Jon as Uncle Sam. They also loved the "American" theme. They didn't like that the product wasn't featured inside the glass truck.
Marilu's team wins. As much as they liked Uncle Sam, no one can resist the Angel of Silk.
Claudia doesn't think she should be fired. "I worked my butt off," she says. It wasn't her fault they didn't have any singers or jugglers on her team.
Claudia lost because she didn't make the product the "star" of the event, and instead relegated it to a supporting role. Farouk didn't rent glass trucks for his hair care products to sit outside on the street. This isn't Suave, guys. This is Chi. Show some respect.
Claudia brings back Dennis and Lil Jon. Everyone thinks Lil Jon is a bad choice. Claudia tries to change her mind, but it's no use. They already know she's stupid.
Don Jr. agrees that Claudia's too scared to bring Omarosa back. Donald says a friend of his once said that "sometimes it helps to have a really bad reputation." He was just trying to comfort you, Donald.
Outside the boardroom, Claudia whispers to Lil Jon that they should work to get Dennis fired. "He's dead weight," she says. Poor Dennis is just standing there, watching them. Lil Jon tells Claudia she can try, but he doesn't seem interested in helping her.
Back in the boardroom, Arsenio says that "if you're afraid to fight, you've already lost the fight." This show is a bastion of good advice.
Claudia says she brought back Lil Jon because he's "the marketing genius of the group." Therefore, he's responsible for their loss. Actually, says Donald, you won on brand messaging. The executives loved Lil Jon.
As for Dennis, he says something like "ehrush totrite mahbe, but noshvlb bczded, yknow?" Really? says Donald. He died? I heard he was a great impersonator.
Claudia says Dennis wouldn't participate in her freestyle rap brainstorming exercise. Dennis says, "Ahno lissenap. Ilunhk rock. Dinshe bot wosh Omarosa."
Lil Jon points out that Dennis might not do as much as everyone else, but he shows up every day for work sober. SOBER! What else do they want from him?
True, says Donald. Last time he was here, Dennis was "exhausted." Since then, he's been to Exhausted Anonymous. Now Dennis just smokes weed.
Donald fires Claudia. "You're going to have a great future," he says. But not on this show.
Claudia says Omarosa played a "Jedi mind trick" on her. She thinks she won anyway since she "made people feel beautiful." Who needs a college scholarship when you have good hair?
Next time on All-Star Celebrity Apprentice, Piers Morgan is back with a big bag full of nasty.